literature

3 a.m. isn't for you

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ghearradh's avatar
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Literature Text

you are a bottle of liquor,
    spilling out on the kitchen floor,
emptying quicker and quicker
    until you can't take anymore.

and when i try to stem the flow,
    to wipe your sorrow from the tile,
you try so hard to let it all go
    when i just need you to stay awhile.

"i can't, i can't," you cried,
    tears falling like rain from a cloud
"honey, you tried," i whispered, "you knew i'd
    listen if you'd said your thoughts were this loud."

and i'll keep trying to understand you
    even if your pain cannot be matched,
'cause darling, i know everything tastes new
    without conscious thoughts attached.
sorry it's been so long since i posted anything, but i've had to write a ton of poems for school so i'll post some of them here soon.

pretty much my life has been consumed by nanowrimo. as of the time i'm posting this, i have 28,530 words. hoping for more soon, but i'm on track to win.

anyways, i'm turning this in for my writing class. the assignment was to write a 16 line poem with a rhyme scheme ( i used abab ) using as much figurative language as i could. well, i tried, and hopefully i did pretty good. 

EDIT: this poem was included in my school's award-winning literary arts magazine.
© 2013 - 2024 ghearradh
Comments14
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cality's avatar
I think this works pretty well, and I love the final stanza and the final line in particular. The weakest stanza for me is the third one, because I think the flow isn't as good as in the others, and also the '-ied'/'I'd' sounds (tried, replied, I'd) tripped me up a bit. So if you ever revise this, I would suggest looking at the third stanza (maybe use a different word instead of 'replied', or find a different way to end that line?).

I hope you did well with this poem! :heart: